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The Music which plays in my Car

  “ Every time my surroundings change, I feel enormous sadness. It’s not greater when I leave a place tied to memories, grief or happiness. It’s the change itself that unsettles me, just as liquid in jar turns cloudy when you shake it” -Italo Svevo, Essays and Uncollected writings //Jhumpa Lahiri, Whereabouts   Lately, life has been in a pleasant slumber. Work feels great, the place feels so homely, and the house is absolutely the resthouse one needs after a long day. Days have been productive, yet the pace is somber, happening like wind passing by. With the opportunity of interacting with such versatile set of individuals in a day, I also have started understanding nuances of human behaviour. The foremost subjects of my pursuit in this study, has been my own staff somehow. Bilasipara, being a revered Subdivision of the state since years, has been the steppingstone of many young IAS officers into the temple of bureaucracy. One of my seniors, who themselves were also a part of
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With gratitude, for Kamrup Metro: Learnings from my first posting

  “Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ―  Roy T. Bennett In my opinion, the initial years of the life of a bureaucrat are close to what Gen-Z calls wanderlust, in a very sarkaari way. We travel, we keep moving, we meet people, listen to stories, understand cultures and make our living out of this whole system. A rather simpler way of looking at things, but that's how the past few months had been. After a long training stint in Delhi and Mussoorie, I finally found my first posting in Guwahati, as SDO Sadar, Kamrup Metro.  As I keep telling people, I think I am adulting with my job. I wasn't this lady with prim sarees and work glasses 2 years back, service evolved me, for the good. But just like a teen entering college after finishing school with bright colours, my first posting made me antsy, and nervous and shook my foot like nothing
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Introducing My Parents to the World of Bureaucracy

Bureaucracy is an interesting place to be. Ever since I became a part of it, it's felt like everything, everywhere, all at once. Firefighting has become a reality, sometimes on all fronts, yet I still walk in with prim clothing and polished shoes, my head held high every day, as the reality of the 'glass house' sets in. From the lush high teas and formal dinners to understanding the differences between ceremonial, formal, and smart casual attire, from presenting themes about which I had little to no idea to giving speeches in a language whose alphabets are still new to me, it has been like a swimming lesson with no trainer in the deepest end of the pool, clinging to just one floater. However, doing it all on your own and introducing your family to it are two very different challenges. My parents, like many first-time bureaucrats, knew about bureaucracy as much as an engineer knows about his course—he's supposed to understand it but keeps asking his classmate what
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Conversations in life

  “Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.” ―  Mark Twain Lately, life has been a lot about conversations. In the most bizarre ways, life has cornered me to actively try and build these bridges of conversations with new people. And though initially it felt like I was thrown in deep seas with no sense of swimming, I am slowly growing adept to this new change. I've even begun to enjoy it. And so, as always, I am writing to document my learnings and to maybe start a conversation about conversations. I recently moved to Delhi, for a shorter stint in my training, alongside the rest of my batch of officer trainees. In a strange way, the present setup of us all enjoying the stunner grandiose of 110001, having long walks on roads where the doyens of Indian history walked, has perturbed the usual scenarios. Since Delhi has something to offer to everyone, it has become difficult to catch up, and everyone ends up having multiple pl
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Stories from DPT- The line of judgement

  “ There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ― Maya Angelou   As I am entering the last month of my District training, there are stories which I want to carry with me for years and so we now are taking up this journey of story telling, straight from the heart of Assam.  It was my 2nd week of training in Assam, I was fairly new, both to the state and the profession. Being my first job, and the immense gravity attached to my profession, I wasn't dealing with things so easily. The first loss which came with me joining the leagues of my fellow compatriots was the sudden loss of right to complain or ask questions. No, it wasn't about the questions about work or about the day to day management of my district, but questions which would only pertain to me. My doubts, which I always thought, were quintessential for my progress. But suddenly, in a month or so, I was supposed to feel sorted in whatever I was doing, as if I had figured it out. And administratio
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The task of being happy

 “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln  I have a cloth hanger with MUSSOORIE inscribed over it in wood in my room. It is a priced possession of mine and was gifted by one of my batchmates when I was leaving the academy as a farewell gift. It hangs in my room on two nails, which are too long to be pierced into the wall. Thus every time I hang more than one piece of clothing on the hanger, one of the nail gives up and the hanger comes off. I take my hammer and fix it, making it sturdy enough for a week or so, but as soon as I hang some extra stuff there, it comes off again, making me redo the hammering again and again.  Life has lately been the same! And before you all jump to the conclusion that I am a young officer, making it into this premier service at a fairly young age and thus put all my complaints into the box of first world problems OR decide that I am probably unsettled in my present life and looking for a place to
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10 lessons I learnt in the last 6 months in Assam

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  “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore   I just realized that half of my DPT is over, and contrary to what I thought, I have loved the past 6 months to bits. Assam has been too kind to me, I have met some beyond amazing people and adulting, has slowly grown on me. That being said, it hasn't been a cakewalk, there have been days filled with anxiety of what am I doing, the constant feeling of directionlessness, and extreme loneliness which denies to go away, even after hours of phone calls back home. Having said that, I have gotten some important lessons in this short span, which I want to share with all of you. You may or may not relate to them, but these are s
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