Stories from DPT- The line of judgement

 

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

― Maya Angelou

 As I am entering the last month of my District training, there are stories which I want to carry with me for years and so we now are taking up this journey of story telling, straight from the heart of Assam.

 It was my 2nd week of training in Assam, I was fairly new, both to the state and the profession. Being my first job, and the immense gravity attached to my profession, I wasn't dealing with things so easily. The first loss which came with me joining the leagues of my fellow compatriots was the sudden loss of right to complain or ask questions. No, it wasn't about the questions about work or about the day to day management of my district, but questions which would only pertain to me. My doubts, which I always thought, were quintessential for my progress. But suddenly, in a month or so, I was supposed to feel sorted in whatever I was doing, as if I had figured it out. And administration is no easy pathway to walk. I wasn't feeling as the person of the moment, and the main character energy was swooped out of me with all the theatricals we were pulling to appear "sorted" .

It was in this week, that the state administration organised an event, which called for all the senior officials of the cadre being present. We, as probationers, were also called to gain insights on the issues pertaining to the state. After the presentations, a lavish tea party was laid up in the backyards for officers to interact, and I, found this as the best moment to fire my questions. But who to ask? Everyone was too senior and too experienced. Maybe my problems or queries weren't that important, I repeatedly told myself. Somehow, this wasn't enough, and the fear of judgement was curbing my natural state.

In this moment, a senior passed by, a young officer, and an extremely friendly one. We had met before, and he had been kind enough to ask me, how was I feeling in my new district. I found myself comfortable to ask all my questions to him. "But why didn't you ask them to other officers?", he inquired. I said I was too afraid of the judgement and my lack of understanding.

"Srishti, look. In this world, there is a long queue of people standing. On one end is the most judgemental person on this planet, on the other end is the least judgemental guy. Everyone of us is somewhere in between. When you look to your left, you see a long queue of people having way more judgements, and you say, huh, these men are so stereotypical. And to your right, you think, don't they know the rules? How can they behave this way. That's how it is."

 "But sir, how do you find your place? And what is the sweet spot on this line?", I asked, perplexed.

"Any spot is the sweet spot, because it all depends on you. Where do you find yourself comfortable standing is your spot. Just don't hope everyone would want it." 

Over the year, I've applied this story to so many scenarios, belief systems, social problems and common habits. It perfectly fits in the story of food taboos, how vegetarianism and non vegetarianism has so many layers. It helps understand, why some have a stronger spine against corruption while the others just take it as a use of opportunity. All of them are on the line. To each their own, is a saying we hear. But to imbibe it, and to not push your notions on the person standing next to you in the queue, is empathy and maturity. Something, which evolved minds are capable of. Yes, as people, we can always hope others move to our way of living which might be higher in moral and ethical quotient, but the first step to solving a problem is understanding your crowd. Know where they are standing!