'Time', in Assam

'' That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry … ''

-Robert Herrick,  ‘To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time’

 

    Recently I came across a discussion with a friend on how time flies. How as young adults, it is infused in us to perform and attain all that we can, before we reach 30. As if a clock is ticking, as if whatever we need in life-be it personal or professional, has to happen now. As a young individual in services, which is arguably one of the most demanding jobs of this country, I have something to add to this. And I may or may not convince anyone reading this to my views, but yet again, it is only about starting a conversation.

I am a person of varied interests. I like to see the world in every capacity I can. I am chatty to people who strike conversations, but I also tend to listen to people with deeper understandings of life. A lot of us are supremely talented folks with expertise in a lot apart from their jobs, but I don't fit in any box. I sing on days, I dance when I can. I even write, I write poetry in Hindi on themes which affect me or invoke a sense of thought in me.  I draw and paint, I read books and oh, I watch a lot of movies. On some days, I click pictures and enjoy editing them, while on others, nursing my plants gives me happiness. I avidly write my journal. But then I keep making new hobbies on the way. I recently picked up gym and I absolutely love it. I love to go on solo drives, but at times a cycle is enough too.

For a long amount of time, it was difficult for me to understand what I was good at. I am a learner at all levels, and I can hardly claim that I do something really well. Thus, after coming to Assam, for a long while, I stayed in a huge dilemma. As a young officer, enthused with the zeal to work hard and do something for the society, I was committed to giving my all to my work. After an initial month of hitting the road though, a strange form of emptiness started grappling me. Somehow work alone was not enough. But then came this question of "time". Where would I find the time to now expertise in all the other things I wanted to? After a long day at work, and the diversity of subjects I'd get exposed to, I would hardly be left with energy to do anything. And for a while, it was easy to accept it, but then one day, I felt I was losing energy with everyday. I was no more able to concentrate on anything for a long time, my attention span was deteriorating. I would want to do something productive in leisure, but some days my mind would just give up. And soon, when my personal life hit a roadblock, this neglect of myself hit me like a thunderstorm.

So about 4 months back, I decided to bring a change. To do one thing I love, everyday. I call it the Highlight of the day. I used to do it in my preparation days, and it would always help in breaking the monotony of my routine. It could be anything, a good movie, a long due phone call, a painting session, or finishing a book. It helped in coping up with the aloofness of the district life, but at the same time, it gave me an opportunity to connect with myself. A lot of times, we really want to do something, but the fear of failing and judgement is too much to try. But this experiment made me realize that, one, people would always talk. And two, most of the times, it is of no use listening to them. Also about the ticking clock, it never stops really. Once, I used to think that it would, after graduation, or maybe getting a job. But life as I now realize is a hustle, which never ends. And that's the good part about it. If everything suddenly stagnates, if we stop, what would life be left living for? 

So to sum up, and I hope I could deliver the conclusions, no goal of ours would give us the validation we are looking for. Life would keep bringing us challenges in adversities, it is on us to make them our opportunities. The clock is ticking, yes, and so we must fight with all our might to run as fast, but stealing a breath away from life can sometimes make all the difference. Ultimately the priority of your life is YOU!   As Winnie the Pooh says and goes with the tradition of this blog, "If everybody were like everybody else, how boring it would be. The things that make me different are the things that make me, me!", howsoever mainstream it may sound, the goal should stay about finding yourself.