The task of being happy

 “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln 

I have a cloth hanger with MUSSOORIE inscribed over it in wood in my room. It is a priced possession of mine and was gifted by one of my batchmates when I was leaving the academy as a farewell gift. It hangs in my room on two nails, which are too long to be pierced into the wall. Thus every time I hang more than one piece of clothing on the hanger, one of the nail gives up and the hanger comes off. I take my hammer and fix it, making it sturdy enough for a week or so, but as soon as I hang some extra stuff there, it comes off again, making me redo the hammering again and again. 

Life has lately been the same!

And before you all jump to the conclusion that I am a young officer, making it into this premier service at a fairly young age and thus put all my complaints into the box of first world problems OR decide that I am probably unsettled in my present life and looking for a place to rant, well I am doing none here. I am happy in everything I have right now, I enjoy whatever life keeps offering me and yes, I do have my tough days but who doesn't. What I want to talk about is something I have hardly heard in discussions and something which is an everyday task of our lives- the task of being happy.

If by now you're connecting the dots, and understanding my little story from before, the pieces of clothing are the expectations, dreams and aspirations of life. Everyday, I aspire a little more, I work a little harder for being someone I dream to be, just like that cloth hanger doing everything in its might to stay on the wall. But finding the same fate, I break down, once in every few days. And I am a person who takes her break downs seriously, meaning I question everything I am doing, or possibly would be doing in future. I analyze and cross analyze my efforts and actions, I keep rewinding my own words in my mind. And as someone recently told me- I have a very high expectation out of myself. So, all of it makes me feel that I am not doing enough, not being a capable officer, not being a well functioning adult, and definitely not being a good participant in all of my relationships. 

But, a few days ago when the cloth hanger snapped out again, something snapped in me as well.  And I realized that I wasn't hammering my life back into its place, as I did for the hanger. I keep saying in my blogs that I am a person of diverse hobbies- I read, I write, sing and dance, I watch movies across eras and paint to make my days better. I gym to achieve that jawline( someday soon!) and I travel to see everything because there's truly nothing better. But yet, with the kind of job I have signed up for, this all doesn't come easy. In fact, it is getting tougher with everyday and the pressure of filling the boots of a capable officer who is dancing on her toes to touch lives of people, well it is getting pretty real. 

So what is to be done here? Balance is everything, everyone keeps saying that, but is it real? Some months ago, a fellow officer explained that there is no such thing as work-life balance, you divide your time in a way of need. If work needs time, you cut it down from your personal space and vice versa. But, being happy in your everyday, whether it's a day full of hard work or a day filled with boredom, whether you get to do something you've never done before or do the same piece of work yet again, is not a choice but a task in itself. You work hard to stay happy. And especially when you have no one to push that fulcrum to, you consciously do things and hammer your life back into place.

And so, with this revelation that I have had recently, I feel a need to tell you something, you all already know. You can be anything and you don't need to work hard to be someone else. What you actually need to work hard for is staying happy, and trust me, it won't come easy. You'd have to make tough calls all the time, to cut down negativity spread all around you, but I guess it would all be worth it.  For the first time in life, I am channeling my main character energy into everything and I am feeling fulfilled. And this is when I have quoted this year to be arguably the toughest year of my life. Dumbledore says that Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light, and that light switching is the task we must not forget everyday!